


The Slow Burn (and the fast relief)

by SammysGirl666



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Feels, Hurt Sam Winchester, Jealousy, M/M, Past Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 08:49:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1091964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammysGirl666/pseuds/SammysGirl666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean haven't been a couple in years. Now Dean is with Cas and Sam can't deal. So he does what he does best...he leaves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Slow Burn (and the fast relief)

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by irrational anger at seeing Sam be slandered by some authors. Seriously, I respect all OTPs, I truly do. But I draw the line Sam-hate. Sam is my light in the dark and if there has ever been a fictional character that I feel connected to, it's him. So this is retribution to Sam haters. This one's for you, baby boy ;) Feel his feels, bitches.
> 
> For my fellow Sam girls, sorry for this but hopefully this scratches the itch it did for me. This hurt to write, just so you know.

This doesn't hurt. No, saying this _hurts_ would be like calling Hell _unpleasant_. Because Hell is more than unpleasant, it's fucking _Hell_. And this doesn't just hurt, it _aches_. It doesn't even have the decency to destroy him, nice and quick and forever. No, it picks him apart piece by piece until there is _nothing left_. And it's a slow burn...fire, the _unpleasant_ kind, burning hot and hard in his stomach making him feel like he might throw up or spontaneously combust, he's not sure. And he can't _fucking deal_. And it's made worse by how neither of them are even cognizant of the fact that he's all but _dying_ over here and _it hurts_.

Castiel, he could forgive. The angel was oblivious at the best of times and despite he and Sam's strengthened friendship, the angel could not be expected to be able to gauge how Sam felt. But Dean...he's a different story because it was his _job_ to look after Sam, to protect him. But that didn't seem to mean anything because Sam is standing here fucking _dying_ and Dean's not batting an eyelash. And _it hurts_.

Because he loves Dean, he can't _fucking deal._ He's always loved Dean with his everything, more than anything, more than he's allowed. And he thought that maybe Dean felt the same way but no, because he's standing there looking at Castiel like he hung the moon and Sam is _dying_ and no one seems to notice but him. And _it hurts_.

Suddenly it's too much and he laughs bitterly at that, because it was too much _months_ ago and this should have happened a lot sooner. He never made any promises, he justifies. He failed the trials, what was he good for anyway? And sure, Dean had nursed him back to health afterward, but who cares? It's obvious that Dean is only keeping Sam around out of guilt. And _it hurts_.

_I can't do this without you, Sam._

Sam laughs again, a broken and haunted sound. _Fuck you, Dean_. He thinks angrily. _Liar_. He picks up the car keys to the mint green Oldsmobile in the garage. _You have Castiel now._

He leaves in the dead of night and he feels guilty until he looks into Dean's room. Castiel is curled around Dean, head tucked under Dean's chin, breathing softly and evenly because he's human so he sleeps now. But apparently he can't do so without Dean. The two are so intertwined, Sam can't see where one ends and the other begins. They look so fucking good together, so perfect and beautiful and Sam has a moment of rage where he wants to go rip the no-longer-an-angel from his brother's grasp and scream at his brother, _you used to hold me like that, you selfish bastard! You used to love me like that, fucker! How could you? Why don't you_ love _me anymore?_

But he doesn't. He hates it, but Dean looks fucking _happy_ curled around Castiel. It tears Sam up all over, but it's true. And he really just wants Dean to be _happy_. Castiel too, he tacks on. They deserve it. More than he does. The boy with the demon blood. The fuck-up. The _monster_. He's bad for them, a poison.

Come morning, Dean will be angry. He'll tell Sam to come home. _Get your ass back here, Sammy._ He'll beg. _Please, Sam, c'mon, I can't lose you again._ He'll bargain. _Just come back, whatever it is, we can fix it. I'll do anything Sam, I swear._ But I can't ask that of you, Sam will say. The words,  _leave him,_ will never actually form and he feels guilty just thinking them.

So he drives away. From everything. Every mile he puts between them takes a bit of the ache away. And _it hurts_.

But to stay would _hurt more._

**Author's Note:**

> There might be a sequel...I don't know, whaddya think?


End file.
